That's just how it is....

That's it. After many attempts to get a job, getting in a job and then back out again. I've given in to the fact that this is just meant to be. To be a homey. To be a 'domestic engineer' (naaaaak juga ada unsur2 kerja la kan :))

...and I think it's the best decision I've ever made. Well, when you have kids, it makes you really re-think your priorities and goals. You want the best but you can't have it all kan?

So much effort was put into adapting to work-life a few months back....and when I left...another round of effort was needed to get back into mama-mode...the household was a bit 'porak-peranda' for a while and I think I did the right thing to sort it out. It'd be a lie if I said everything was ok. Nothing is perfect in married life (with kids). You just have to know your place, your role and your priorities.

Now, I am much more content. Learned to live within our means. Pushed aside the unnecessary and live everyday, thankful that you have a roof over your head, a husband who's always asking for his fave dish repeatedly and 2 kids that complete the whole picture. Now, i'm purely focused on raising the kids, spending time with them and involving them in whatever we do.

My parents wished I had re-started work, I understand, because it would help them abit since I've been chipping in here and there for them but I hope they understand my position now as it will have to take the back seat. Nothing beats having the kids under your care.They're young and you still have time, insya'allah :)

I do get the occasional work-envy, tak tipu but everyones fate is different. Rezeki masing-masing. No question about that. My rezeki is here, at home. Make the most of it.

The Force.

I've underestimated motherhood. It took my youngest child to make me realise how important it is that I should be with her. Be with Both. My two angels. Leaving them with my mum was a mistake.

No.

Getting back into the workforce was a mistake. I'm missing out on their growing-up. I'm missing out on their Firsts. The words of my ex boss still rings in my head, "the first seven years of childhood is the most important" and he made his wife stop work to take care of them. Only when they started scool, did she start work again. I now understand why.

Hubs was right too. I should've listened as he was much happier having the kids with me at all times. Yeah, I miss that moment too. So what's there to lose? I only have two kids, age is catching up and they won't be toddlers for long and I want to enjoy these years. Well, a decision has to be made...work can wait. At least I do know now that I still have what it takes to get a job. Then again, 3 years down....that's another story...for now, do what's best.

I reckon, the next time I experience that deep sense of calm like when I last took this pic in Perhentian island is when I become a housewife again. No worries about work or office calls. Well, till that day comes...

Baby steps. A big leap into the great unknown. Pretty much like how I'm feeling too. Takpa, keep moving. You'll never know what's ahead of you if you stop.